Radish

I suppose, as a nerd, I'm supposed to find things like this utterly hilarious, but I did not. However, it produced a chuckle or two.

This was mildly amusing.

Enjoy. Or don't. I don't care.

Posted by Jack Tango at 00:52 | Permalink | Comments

One of the things I hear most often is this:

"What's wrong with you?"

While slightly demoralizing, it leads me to great introspection and self-examination. Redundant, yes.

Thus begins the project: I shall slowly fill in all missed days of my blog, which, if you are feeling adventurous, you may hunt for. Otherwise, it will be work that will otherwise go unnoticed by my fandom.

"OH, GLORY BE, MY LOVE OF WRITING KNOWS NO BOUNDS!" The midgets proclaim.

Dates to be filled in: December 23, 24, 27, 30, 31; January 2 thru 5, 9, 16, 18, 19, 21 thru 26, 28 thru 30; February 3, 5 thru 7, and 10; Warning: Probably will be boring and/or horribly unfunny.

Posted by Jack Tango at 21:55 | Permalink | Comments

Guess who's back, back again? Tango's back, tell a friend.

And so on, and so forth...

The tiny robot that lives in my head is taking a nap at the moment, which leaves me free to type whatever I want:

Toronto was entertaining, and I spent a lot of money. We went the ROM, ate a lot of food, and relaxed in the Hotel Hot Tub on numerous occasions. Surprisingly, though, the Heavenly bed that the Westin chain touts so highly, left my back feeling quite sore on a daily basis -- if I didn't have the jacuzzi, I'd be toast!

Mmm. Now I want some toast. Toast toast toast toast toast! Yum!

Crap. He's awake now. Better publish this before he--

Posted by Jack Tango at 17:21 | Permalink | Comments

One of the nicest parts about going away is that, a lot of the times, you get to see people you don't normally spend time with.

Lynn and I spent time with HisGrace's brother, D. Del Dago, and their respective female counterparts. We had a great dinner, made jokes, and generally felt like a group of adults.

Dear God, this vacation has just cemented the finality of my own life, and the eventuality of death; my mortality is strong in my mind. Oh, horrible vacation! Why didst thou do such of me?! WHY?!

Awesome desserts, though.

Posted by Jack Tango at 22:00 | Permalink | Comments

We arrived at our destination without trouble, though Lynn's penchant for holding my hand while I'm driving is somewhat troublesome; I usually have a corndog or other edible item in my hand, making driving fairly problematic.

The hotel is great; I'm acquaintences with the Front Office Manager, and he hooked us up nicely. I always feel as though I'm imposing, but as Lynn says (God Bless her heart), "What's the point of friends if they can't do nice stuff for you?"

The best thing, so far, about this trip: The Hot Tub. My back feels great, and I've got a lot more energy.

Of course, I managed to fall asleep at 11pm on the first night.

Tonight we watched "Finding Neverland," which is still in theatres, making the $11 price well worth it. Given that there is a great store within walking distance, and 50% off snacks and food in the hotel, I've SAVING money just by being here!

I think...

Posted by Jack Tango at 22:00 | Permalink | Comments

Headed up to Toronto for a few days; this should prove entertaining and interesting for a few reasons:

1) It's the first trip away from home with The Girlfriend, Lynn.

2) I'm paying $62 a night for a 5 Star hotel room, and get 50% off all my meals.

3) I'll be able to hang out with my buddies D. Del Dego & His Grace's Brother.

4) I'm going to buy my comic books before hand, to take on my trip!

5) I'm going to coerce my friend Super-Genius into lunch before I leave!

6) There is no number six.

So, that's the update for today. Nothing much exciting. I've filled in some retroactive updates (or at least, I will have, by the time you read this), so take some time to check them out. You'll be able to see more posts when I get back.

Unless I can figure out how to get information from Future Jack...

Posted by Jack Tango at 03:04 | Permalink | Comments

What is this human emotion called "wuv?"

Are you sure it says "wuv?" It probably says "love."

No, "wuv." Earth "w," Earth "u", Earth "v."

Graaarrgh! This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!

-- Lurr, Ruler of Omicron Persei 8 & Wife

St. Valentine's Day: The stupidest "holiday" ever.

If you love someone, truly, madly, deeply, then you needn't an annual excuse to show him or her that you do. No amount of advertising should inspire you to purchase soft, red, cuddly teddy bears, or boxes of chocolates that require maps, or $200/dozen roses -- yet every year people give into the hype.

A sample from a discussion with Lynn The Girlfriend, at an indeterminate time in the past:

Jack: So, what do you want for Valentine's Day?

Lynn: Oh, you don't have to get me anything.

Jack: I'm holding you to that.

Lynn: No, see, when a girl says that, that means you really have to get her something.

Jack: I told you "no games" when we started going out, and that includes saying one thing and meaning another. You said you don't want anything, you don't get anything. Discussion over. I win. You lose. Nothing for you. Nyah-nyah, neener-neener.

Lynn: Grrr.

Of course, I still bought her something (which she loved, by the by) because I value my life, but caving into the concept of an ill-conceived "Holiday" irks me to no end. And not just because I've spent 10 of the last 12 Valentine's Days alone.

And it's not a Holiday, dammit. You get a day off work when it's a Holiday. This is no more a Holiday than St. Patrick's Day, Hallowe'en, or Arbor Day, which is to say, "Not So Much."

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go get Lynn something for our 73rd day-i-versary.

Sheesh.

Posted by Jack Tango at 15:09 | Permalink | Comments

Today is that day.

Beware of women wishing you a Happy [The Day Whose Name Shall Not Be Spoken], as if it were Christmas, New Year's, or even Easter.

Beware of expensive impulse purchases at all stores.

Beware of people gabbing incessently about things they are doing for their significant other.

Beware of restaurants, their inflated prices, and their 5 hours waits.

Beware of The Day Whose Name Shall Not Be Spoken, for it will destroy us all.

Love,

Jack.

Posted by Jack Tango at 00:01 | Permalink | Comments

Do you have a few extra thousand dollars that you'd like to spend, or do you know a group or consortium of individuals that would like to make a fantastic one day investment?

Bid on Any of These Auctions


Keep your eye out for February 28th to see what Fark.com has chosen as their name...*

*Mysterious Link from the Future....Oooohh...scarrrryyyy...

Posted by Jack Tango at 13:38 | Permalink | Comments

My town recently had a Massive, Unprecendented Chiliganza Cook-Offinator, Designed to Rock the City's Foundation to it's Very Core.

(Really, that was the name of the contest.* The Municipality's marketing department will change once I'm in charge. That, my friends, is a story for another time.)

There were only two things of note from this particular event, both of which I will go into varying degrees of detail:

1) Super-Genius' dad won first place, and Super-Genius didn't even mention it on his blog. What a bad son.

Congrats Super-Genius-Father!

2) A few days previous to the competition, the city's two weekly community papers (yes, we have two, despite the complete and utter lack of a need for one) both ran a photo featuring the competing chefs standing around the Mayor, surrounding a pot of chili.

His Honor's Esteemed sleeves were rolled up, Mayorally of course, and his hands were angled inward, positioned as if he were about to scoop the chili manually to satiate his undying hunger for the product that keeps him going. The chefs stood around, partially reaching toward the pot with their ladles, wooden spoons, chilificators and sundry items, and all individuals were looking directly at the camera smiling.

This carefully composed picture looked exactly like a man about to put his hands into a pot of a chili, while 6 other men tried to put their utensils into a pot of chili, and all of them were happy to do so.

The caption SMRTly read, "The Mayor tries to stop local chefs [names I don't remember] from getting into the chili early."

WTF?! "Tries to stop?"! What is wrong with people? Calculated image construction should, at least, have a caption that makes sense. Do these people even read what they write? The Mayor looked no more like he was trying to stop them than he looked like he was about to tear their hearts out with his teeth.

Well, I guess with his bizarrely toothy smile, and sunken old eyes, he did somewhat resemble a member of Dracula's legion of the undead, but I somehow doubt that's what they were going for.

*This, of course, is a lie. No city is that stupid. At least, not until I'm in charge...

Posted by Jack Tango at 17:21 | Permalink | Comments

Welcome to another installment of Random Rumours and Rumblings: The Web's Hottest Jack Tango Rumour Site. Just one tidbit for our readers today -- it proves a bit interesting.

Without further adieu, here's the mildly cryptic scoop from one of our alert informants:

Jack was overheard talking to a friend of his passed on to me by a friend of a friend of a coworker of a buddy of a guy who I went to school with who's cousin used to work with Jack 6 years ago:

"I have a much better opportunity ahead of me with the company, and things could be really good for me -- right around my birthday.

And no, it's not just because of the action figures."

Oooh, cryptic.

--Your Mole @ Jack's Job

Wonder what that could mean? And how the hell did he incorporate a hyperlink into his verbal dialogue? What manner of man is he, that even the laws of conversation twist themselves to suit his means?!

I'm sure we'll find out more with time. Stick around, dear readers, for more exciting updates in the Life of Jack Tango with the next edition of Random Rumours and Rumblings: The Web's Hottest Jack Tango Rumour Site.

SEACREST OUT!

Posted by Jack Tango at 04:35 | Permalink | Comments

In a surprising turn of events today, Jack's boss chose neither applicant for the available job, instead deciding to save the money and have Armac take on the role in an "acting" position. Both sides declined comment.

Then, in a not-so-surprising move, I undeclined my declination of comment. Here's the deal:

Big Boss told Armac and myself -- separately -- that neither one of us was getting the job. Armac (oh, yes, this is my new name for She Who Will Get the Job, forgot to tell you) will take on the job's duties, but without the title. Big Boss wants me to work closely with Armac, to learn the details of the job, for my own situation.

Most likely resolution to this: The eventual promotion of Armac to the coveted position, and Jack takes on the role of her assistant. This, of course, is Not Necessarily a Bad Thing.

Least likely resolution to this: Big Boss calls me tonight, says he made a mistake, and gives me his job. And a yacht.

All-in-all, things could be worse, and I'm definitely not unhappy with the situation. Gotta love the dubble-negatives. I'll keep y'all posted. Hah! Get it? Posted? Ah, screw you.

Next: What you don't know about shrimp, and why it can kill you. Bryan Jackson has the story...after this station break.

Posted by Jack Tango at 20:46 | Permalink | Comments

It's come to this:

I'm sitting at home, nursing a cold; I feel like complete and utter crap, much like my friend HisGrace, but as a Super-Genius once told me, "You've got to suck it up when there's things that need to be done."

"Enough with the gratuitous plugs, Jack, we're here to read about you!"

Let it never be said that I am not gracious toward my viewing blogdience.

Today I will be speaking with The Big Boss about The Prospective Job, and informing him of my incredible walue to the company.

The truth is, I think that The Other Applicant (at least, the only other one that I am aware of) may be the better choice. For the short term, at least.

For the last 7 months, she has been working directly under my soon-to-be-former-boss, and knows most, if not all of the details of her job. This puts me at an immediate disadvantage.

I'm fairly confident going into most interviews, and usually do not worry about such things, but given that I know the other person applying (and, again, there could be more), I am a bit apprehensive, and somewhat lost as how to impress my worth upon The Big Boss.

If The Other Applicant gets the job, I will not be overly upset; she deserves the position, and has spent more time with the company than I. She does her job well, and would make a fine choice.

If I hated her, this would be so much easier.

Curse you, Other Applicant! Curse you for being so good!

And yes, I am shaking my fist as I type this. One-handed-typing-while-shaking-one's-fist isn't as easy as the guidebook said it would be.

Wish me luck!

Posted by Jack Tango at 13:46 | Permalink | Comments